Thursday, February 11, 2010

Motivating tools

We have trouble in this family staying in bed at night (not Mark and I) Excuses range from, I am scared, I had a bad dream, I want to cuddle you,etc. We have tried discipline and motivation. Motivation seems to work so much better in this particular case. I started making charts with boxes. When they stayed in their beds all night, they received a sticker. When the chart was full, a prize was given. Prizes ranged from candy, dollar store trips, even Chuckie Cheese! The problem is when I take away the chart and think they have gotten into a good pattern of sleeping ion their beds, it backfires. They wake up and come in our room. They are smart.I heard Arianna tell Sophia. "I slept with Mommy and Daddy because we dont have a chart anymore." Oh my!
Do you have any good suggestions for this sleeping problem? Should I just lock my door and let all of them just scream in the hallway till they go back to bed or fall asleep on the floor? (thats what will happen) I do know this is a phase but I thought at least the 5 yr olds would have grown out of it by now. 
I'm open to suggestions:) 

2 comments:

Jeanette said...

oh yay. Bedtime problems are tough for sure.
We were having issues with that with Gabi (she's four). We tried a lot of things and I definitely saw that discipline was not really helping (plus, who wants to send their kid to bed on a negative note?)
We finally told her that unless it was an emergency (she was bleeding or had to go to the bathroom), she had to stay in her bed. If she got out of bed for any other reason, the next day she would have to go to bed a half-hour earlier. It only happened two days, and now she doesn't get out of bed any more.
I guess it's a matter of finding their "currency".
I hope you find something that works for your family. :) - Jeanette

~Abbey~ said...

i am sorry you have this problem. Clayton was about 2 when he was pulling these stunts. we told him that he was not obeying and God was not pleased. One night we just sat outside the door, if 1 foot got on the floor, it was disobedience and he got spanked. spanked til his cry changed. I know we have been told we are harsh because there is no waiver. the girls are manipulating you, and (i speak with experience from being a manipulator as a child and now having them) you are actually encouraging their manipulating. they know if they get the charts they get prizes. so you are feeding into their "play" now that they "get it". (as told by the comments bt the girls!)
ex of my manipulators: Candice is told to put SHOES and SOCKS on before we leave. we get in the car and she has FLIP FLOPS ON. I say oh well we are leaving, no time to change-you will suffer the cold bc you did not obey. (she got her way-she is wearing what SHE chooses) Clayton is crying bc he wanted to wear flops but obeyed and now Candice is "allowed" to wear them. I hear Candice whisper to Clayton, "if you put on your flops and get in the car really fast, then mom thinks you did and we go and we don't have to change" so next time, they BOTH tried this. They both got in trouble...oh yeah we let them wear their flip flops, but they also got spanked every time they complained thier feet were cold. harsh? maybe. consequences stink though, and they will learn.
ex of ME being the manipulator: Val and I were painting-about 5/6 years old. we had 1 paint brush. we fought, so my mom made us take turns by the oldest goes first. so i said "hey Val. wanna play a game with me?" "sure" "ok, i be you and you be me. wanna play?" She says OK..so i tell her "give me the paint brush. Mommy said Valarie goes first" She gave it to me! and i painted. But as soon as my mom saw...I got spanked for manipulating. and i got NO paint brush.
Manipulation is a VERY dangerous thing to let go. Satan is the King of deception and manipulation is using deception. people who are manipulators and deceivers as adults are not honest or trustworthy people, their integrity is on the line.
I pray God gives you strength to make them submit their will to yours as their God given authority. and i pray for your consistancy through your tiredness as they know this will be a weak point. "we are tired, just forget it"