Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Reflecting

 Yesterday would have been my dad's 57th Birthday.
I miss him.
He was murdered when I was 19 years old. I remember the day so vividly and yet it was been almost 13 years and I forget what his voice sounded like and how it felt to be hugged by him. 
Funny how thinking back to that day still makes me feel sick to my stomach and a bit light headed.
I wish he could have met my husband and my children.
I wish he could see the cakes I  make.
I wish I could have him into my home and cook for him. 
I wish I could call him on his birthday and tell him that I love him.
Loosing a parent is painful and that pain really never goes away. The sharpness of the pain subsides but it never truly fades. I think of him often and of all the good memories we made as children.
He would play "lion" with us and tickle us till we couldnt breathe and were begging him to stop.
He would take us for rides on his motorcycle.
He would cook amazing food- some recipes that I still make today! 
I have a handful of pictures of my dad all of which I need to scan into the computer because I didnt have a digital camera back in those days.  He was handsome and had the best smile with a little dimple in his cheek. Elijah has the same dimple. I like that.
My dad had skin that always looked like it was tan even in the winter. 
Marks arms remind me of my dad's- weird, but they do.
My dad had dark hair, pretty much the same color as Sophia and Arianna.
Ella really has no physical trait that reminds me of my dad, 
but the fact that Ella is always making us laugh reminds me of my him. 
Even though my children will never know their grandfather, I  try to keep his memory alive by telling them stories about him and showing them pictures of the man that I called "Dad".

These pictures are of the house and lake where I spent my childhood.
Great times were had by my brother and I, as we hiked and explored all over this lake and the woods behind our house. We would be gone for hours! Such good memories!

3 comments:

Christa said...

Thanks for this candid & heart-felt post, Chastity. I can't imagine the loss you must feel everyday. I have vivid memories of your dad from when we were kids. I picture him giving kids rides on his motorcycle at camp or Sunday night during choir practice. And I remember he was the PERFECT "Wally Whale" in our Patch the Pirate play. For years after that I thought it was really him singing "Jonah" on the tape! Mostly I picture him in the church kitchen near a big pot of soup or rice pudding. (he made the best!) But no matter where he pops up in my memory he is always smiling or cracking a joke or teasing someone. He was so much fun! I'm sure he would be proud of you and his beautiful grandchildren. What a special gift God has given you to see him in each of your children in some way.

Chastity Gomez said...

Thanks Christa for the VERY sweet post and memories of my dad! It made me smile!

~Abbey~ said...

Chas-your post almost made me cry, but then i started thinking of all the things your dad would say or do..and i can still hear his laugh in my head. Justin sounds like him sometimes when he laughs. I remember him shoving us all into that little car and running us back to Preferred for my mom one day after school. He kept us busy and lighthearted when my mom always had phone calls to answer! Your dad was a special guy, one noone would forget if they ever met him! The biggest thing I remember though was it seemed no matter how far from the Lord anyone thought he was at any given time, he always brought the Glory back to God in his conversation. I know he is in Heaven and one day you and hopefully your kids will be reunited again! He woudl be very proud of you!